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2/17/2006 Mama-san, I'm coming home! (Day 6)Going UP!
The elevators here are smarter than some people I
know. Let's pretend you're in the lobby and you want to go up to your
room. In America, you push the "UP" button, then you do the "elevator
shuffle dance" as you try to guess which doors in the bank will "ding"
and offer you a ride. The bank of elevators at the airport in
Minneapolis actually has 12 cars in it and you could honestly miss your
chance if you're too far away when your elevator comes. Here's the best
part, the very milisecond that you touch the "UP" button, the elevator
system knows exactly which car it will send for you. In the U.S. they
choose to withold that information from you for some conspiratorial
reason. In Japan, the elevator that has been chosen for you signals the
door to "ding" as if to say, "I'm coming!" When its close, the light
starts blinking so you know to move away and to give some room for the
people inside to disembark. (In Japan, you see; people don't attempt to
shove their way onto an elevator before you have a chance to get off).
Another elevator treat is the >|< button. You
know the "bowtie" looking button that's supposed to close the doors?
Well here, it actually CLOSES the doors! This is nice, but it means
that if you're standing next to the buttons, you have a job! When the
car stops, YOU hold the <> button to let people get on/off, then
you press the >|< button to close the doors. People actually try
to out bow one another for this duty of honor.
Chopsticks
I like chopsticks. If I was pretty good with them
before I got here, then I'm a bonified expert now. There are some
things that still cry out for a fork though, and I can't figure out why
they don't just give up and use one. Take rice, for example. A
traditional Japanese breakfast comes with a dish of rice porridge.
There's no way on this planet anyone could eat it with chopsticks. Its
like Cream of Wheat or Malt-o-meal. Good luck with that! Their
solution? Serve it with strips of dried seaweed, of course! You place
the strip on a mound of porridge, and you use your chopsticks to pinch
the edges of the seaweed together to make a "saddle" around some rice.
I say this with love, "CAN WE GET A DAMN FORK IN HERE??"
More Walking Around
I took the escalator back to the hotel for the
first time. My rationale was that it was snowing and any one of the 112
steps could have meant my death! No, the snow wasn't actually sticking
to the ground, but it might have at any moment and then where would I
be? Anyway, I'm glad I walked the extra block to take the easy way up.
There's a car dealership at that end of the block that sells exotic
cars. I've see pictures before, but until you stand next to one of
these machines, you really have idea what 1,000 horsepower is all about.
People are so polite here that simply crossing the
street can be an adventure. "After you!" "No, after you..." "I insist,
after you" and so it goes. In the end, whoever bows lowest earns the
right to stay at the curb for an extra couple of seconds.
The notion of "personal space" is completely
foreign to the Japanese. My friend Bob would HATE that part of Japanese
culture. There's nothing like standing shoulder to shoulder with
another person in an otherwise un-occupied elevator, or having someone
mount the escalator on the step immediately behind you when the two of
you are the only ones going up. I'm sure its from years of training on
the subway... you're so close to people there that you feel what's in
each other's pockets!
Work Hard, Play Hard
It has been a LONG week! The Japanese business day
lasts from 8 to 15 hours, depending on what needs to be accomplished.
Women almost exclusively stay home and somehow by the grace of God,
they "understand" when their husbands call night after night to explain
that "they'll be out drinking copious amounts of alcohol with another
customer." Again. Well, after a week of this aberrant behavior
(aberrant by American business standards) they blow off some steam.
Like a long week of eating and drinking with customers should be
"celebrated" with even more food and drink? Maybe I'm showing my age,
but it seems to me that best way to top off an 80 hour work week is
with a NAP!
Last night (Friday) a nap was not an option. My
American co-worker friend Matt and I were taken to a restaurant called
"The Dark Ninja." It was very mysterious. It was built to look like the
inside of a cave. Sorry, not "cave," but "secret Ninja underground
training place!" It was complete with dangerous bridge crossings,
Ninjas that jump out at you from behind invisible doors, and even a
Ninja or two that did magic tricks at your table! Yes, magic tricks.
"Ninja Three, Power of... Mathematics!"
The pictures tell the story, it was another long
night. Matt and I decided that if we lived here, we'd probably dead in
less than 6 months. After lots of Sushi, Sake, and other liquid
refreshment, we all decided we were Ninjas too! Matt was "NINJA 1!" I
was "NINJA 2" and so forth. We each had special Ninja powers and secret
hand signals, and so forth and together, we made up the "Ninja
Rangers!" If there was ever an endless entertaining scene that you
"just had to be there" to see the humor in, that was definately it.
Notes:
Lisa, congratulations on earning the "Sales Engineer of the Year" award (again). I love you for a million reasons!
Dave, I'm coming home so you better start screening your calls again.
Stacy, I hope you get out of Canada soon.
Marsha, thanks again for the kick in the butt.
Pictures:
Bingo - Lamborghini... fast car.
Cars for Sale - Ferrari... faster car.
McLaren -
Fastest street legal car produced anywhere in the world. $300,000
dollars and its yours. It only seets one person though (1, in the
middle) and it can NOT fly over traffic. The trailer hitch is extra, I
asked.
Working Man's Bento Box - styrofoam, compartmentalized, and quite delicous
Dessert Frog - He was made of cheesecake, so we ate him.
Do what the lady says - I am still astonished at the veracity with which the Japanese consume alcohol.
Egg of life
- I have no idea how, but someone managed to stuff a bunch of meat,
potatoes, and veggetables into this egg. Yes, that's dry ice... added
for the full effect.
Five Ninjas - The working crew
HOT wings - they weren't as hot as they look, but the smell sure smacked you in the face when they hit the table!
Our tiny hostess - Matt's hand isn't as big as you might think from this picture, she's just very small!
Nice sushi - It never stops coming until you beg them to stop.
On the Rock - One ice cube... its as big as a tennis ball!
Worse and worse - The night was long. Very long... 2/16/2006 Food and the Little Things (Day 5)The Little Things
I am ceaselessly amazed at the tireless attention
these great people have to detail. The hood over the toilet paper has a
serrated edge, for instance! After all, you wouldn't want to waste 1/2"
of a perforated square if you didn't need it... There's a small fence
that I walk by every morning at the base of the shrine. It's made of an
endless series of vertical posts and a chain that's looped through the
top of each post. I remember once as a kid, my mom took me to the zoo
and they had one of these to suggest to people that they shouldn't come
too close to some of the exhibits. She would get so mad at me because
I'd sit on the chain and pull the slack so that a person sitting on the
chain 20 yards down the line would feel a "YANK" as the chain tightened
up! Well that's not a problem here because there is a tiny padlock on
every single post that keeps the chain from slipping through. There
must have been several hundred of them that wound around the sidewalk.
Does someone have a key to all of them? It wouldn't surprise me. He's
probably the city's "universal amount of slack in the chain" inspector.
Honestly!
For breakfast yesterday, I was fortunate to find an American coffee shop! The relentless pursuit of perfection and the sweating of details persisted here as well. I ordered pancakes. When they came, they were PERFECT. Eerily perfect! Every one was EXACTLY like the other, perfectly round, uniform in color, and every one of them was the exact same size/diameter. If you'd stacked enough of them, they'd have been as perfect and as solid as a role of quarters! I walked over to the coffee counter and watched the man make pancakes. He was in the zone! Pouring batter, executing perfect timing, the man cooked pancakes like he was building a swiss watch!! I almost freaked out, right there... rushing over the counter, screaming "NOOOOOoooo!," grabbing his spatula and going off on the pancakes, "this one will be slightly LARGER, what do you think of THAT?! And this one will be... an OVAL!! BWUAHAHAHA!" Alas, I just went to work. More little things? How about sugar syrup in little
coffee creamers for your iced tea instead of sugar? How long will it
take Americans to figure out that regular granular sugar doesn't
dissolve in cold liquids? Vending machines have cell numbers on them so
you can "call yourself a beverage." Escalators move BOTH ways,
depending on the flow of pedestrian traffic. OH, that reminds me. The
112 steps I've been taking every morning and every afternoon? Yea,
well, there's a staged escalator around the side of the shrine that I
found yesterday. *sigh* Oh well. God knows I need the exercise.
The Simple Business Card The business card is the soul of the Japanese businessman. There's a very definite ritual when it comes to their exchange... When you present one, you grasp it with both hands in the corners and you bow and present the card so the recipient can read it. When you bow, you say, "My name is Kenneth Walker, please call me Ken. I am a Technical Trainer for Stellent." The recipient will receive the card with two hands and bow, then he will take a moment to read the card and say something positive like, "It is nice to have an honored teacher's business card in my collection." Then you repeat the entire procedure. Perhaps the most important thing is what you do with the card after you receive it. It should be placed in a position of honor among your other cards in that leather card portfolio you carry around. Whatever you do, don't just cram it into your back pocket!! Business cards have taken a quantum leap in
technology here. I received one yesterday that is made of stainless
steel! SO COOL! I also received my first digital business card. Its the
standard shape of a regular card for the most part, but the corner is
squared off and it plugs into a cell phone's data port (ALL Japanese
cell phones have standard data ports, of course). When you plug the
card into your phone, it registers itself as a contact and it even
connects to your e-mail at your office computer and registers itself
there too. How cool is that?
More Culinary Adventures
These next two paragraphs are not for the squeamish. If weird food stories give you the willies, you might want to skip them. You know, the human body is a pretty incredible thing! On one hand, the juices in our stomachs can digest just about anything, yet it only takes a single cell of botulism to bring us close to death. I've eaten a lot of weird things in my life... The Spam my father used to fry for our breakfast still gives me the heeby-jeebies. I enjoy food, I enjoy cooking it, eating it, shopping for it, and watching it on TV. I have very fond memories of the days I used to work for a catering company and I still groove on having people over for smoked brisket or fried turkeys. I crossed a line yesterday. I ate some stuff that,
well, let's just say that I think I'm done "experimenting" with new
cultural cuisine. We had lunch at a Japanese bbq joint. There was a pit
in the center of a beautiful cherry wood table with charcoal burning in
it and a grate that was flush with the table surface. We were brought
trays of meat and vegetables and sauces, and the idea is that you cook
what looks good to you. The game we played was, our host would pay for
the meal, but we would "eat first" and he would tell us later what
everything was. Everything looked fairly harmless (no fish eyeballs or
anything) so my friend Matt and I agreed to eat and play along. First
course? It was pink and thinly sliced and we grilled this one. I dipped
it in lemon sauce and ate mine after it was cooked. It was weird, I
REALLY liked it. At the same time though, I'd never tried this kind of
beef in my life, but I knew instantly it was tongue! Shin-san asked,
"how did you know?" I said, "I've bit my tongue before and it had the
exact same texture!" I know its creepy, but its exactly what happened.
The next small disk of meat was tender, delcious, and it turned out it
came from the cow's diaphragm... if I never have it again, I'll still
be OK.
Next, he produced a small bowl of chopped raw meat
(sashimi style) with a perfect raw egg yolk perched on the top. Our
host Shiin-san promptly mixed the raw yolk and meat together with his
chopsticks, then spread it on some lettuce, fajita style, and ate. I
asked, "what kills you first, the bird flu or the mad cow?" He laughed
and said, "don't worry, not beef." Matt said, "I will if you will"
(remind me to kill him when we return to the states) so, we tried it,
in very small bites. Then Shin-san told me it was "Umba," a Japanese
delicacy. Don't look it up, I'm embarrassed to tell you that Umba means
"horse." I might just become a vegetarian after all. Holy crap, did
that ever weird me out. I don't know why, I don't have any special love
for horses but still...
Silence is Golden
Silence is a valued commodity. Whether you're a parent of 5 or you're just striving to get some quality work done, its a reveared thing that we often take for granted. I've decided that people pay for it, whether they realize it or not. Business Class is an expensive venture on an airplane, for example, but the thing I value the most up there, above the food, the service, etc, is the silence. The Japanese understand this. I finally put my
finger on the thing that was bugging me all week, despite the hundreds
of millions of people here, its strangely quiet! The subway? quiet.
Restaurants? quiet. There are little "no cell phone" signs on the
tables of restaurants and other public places and people totally
respect that. Its funny, Americans can't wait to download the most
obnoxious ring tone they can find, and every Japanese has their phone
on "vibrate" and tucked away in a pocket somewhere. They even have
multiple levels of vibrate so you don't have to hear the loud "buzzing"
noise! If they get a call, they turn their head and sheild thier
conversation with their hand. Calls never last more than 2 minutes. I'm
going to require a period of adjustment to the loud life again when I
get home, I think.
Japanese Engligh (revisited)
One last funny story... One of my customers from Fujitsu yesteray almost had me laughing so hard that I thought we might need a defibrillator! He's asked me a question and I was giving him an answer. During our discourse, we were talking about a simulated circumstance. He said, "You know how peop-o come to check the e-mair and they have the Bra Bra Brah..." For a split second, I thought, "what did you just say?" Then it hit me, he was trying to use the American phrase, "blah blah blah" and not only did he prefice it with a declaritive (THE Bra Bra Brah?), but the "bra" instead of "blah" just had me in stitches. I kept it together, I thought, "this man is trying his best to communicate with you, do NOT laugh at him, no, no, no, NO!" I was turning red and "bouncing" a little, the way my favorite piano player at church does when we get her giggling during a service... Finally, I visualized my wife kicking me under the table and grabbing my thigh the way she does (its a violent grab, not the "love squeeze" you might be picturing). I raised my eyebrows, ground my teeth together and tried to answer his question while at the same time trying NOT picture him sitting there, wearing a bra! Notes: All - I would NOT have eaten it, had I known what it was.
Donna - I'm sorry, the blog is winning
Karen VW - I figured out the karaoke business model. Talk to me later
Marsha - thanks for the push
Lisa - I'm coming HOME tomorrow!
Pictures: Love a ball is, the way that a ball! Some of the best Japanese English I've found lately.
Guardian
- This big lion-dude still guards the entrance to the shrine
(background with all the red flags). They've installed streets, lights,
skyscrapers, and coke machines since then, but he's still around!
Worshippers - Wedding, or just a morning revival? You tell me...
Our office lobby here in Tokyo - Obviously, they enjoy the "minimalist" approach. Back to Reality (Day 4)Olympic Fever
I have the fever. The coverage of the Olympic Games here is just unbelievable. First of all, there are no ridiculous tear jerking back-stories about every American athlete and his/her former addiction to pain killers, soap operas, or their struggle to "be the best." Also, there are no commercials. These two reasons alone are worth flying out here every two years to witness the Olympics totally unfettered and in High Definition. Also, and this is the best part, they show EVERY SINGLE athlete! I am now aware that NBC picks 5-7 athletes to show/cover based on these criteria:
I used to labor under the delusion that if a perfect score in an Olympic event were "50" for example, all olympians would score 49.985 +/- half a point. They wouldn't be "olympians" otherwise, right? Oh, SO deliciously WRONG! You don't know how good a 49.985 is until you've seen a South Korean snow boarder to a total face plant on the edge of the half-pipe and get an 11. Yes, eleven points. How on earth can a bobsled driver finish 10 whole seconds behind first place? Banging into the walls like a drunken sailor, that's how! I give 'em all 1,000 points for the effort and its endlessly entertaining.
Japanese Darth Vader
On the flight over here I made an observation. I firmly believe that the ration of words in a translated phrase from English to Japanese is roughly 7:1. The flight attendant would come on and say, "Ladies and Gentlemen, the seat belt sign is on. Please return to your seat and fashion your safety belt." 10 seconds. The Japanese attendant would follow with a translation that took every bit of 94 seconds. Based on the Japanese I've learned so far, translated into English it probably goes something like, "Most honored and prestigous flying guests. We're so very happy to have your favor and honored presence to fly our happy airline. It is most unfortunate however that some of the air outside of this aircraft has angered the gods most fiercly and we must be prepared for spiritual battle to obtain the balance and zen we strive for in our lives every day. We would be most grateful and humbled if you would become one with your place to seating and have union with the chair once again. When you have obtained balance and happiness in your place to sit, please to safely wrap yourself in our special belts of safety to obtain harmony and safety with your person. Thank you, thank you, again, thank you so very much, thank you."
In the courtyard outside the office building today, I watched the trailor to the Star Wars movie in Japanese. It was hilarious. The same translation ratio was so very evident, my sides were splitting. Picture Darth Vader saying something only Vader would say like, "Leave that to ME!" Well, roughly translated, it would take the average citizen here about two minutes to say that in Japanese (based purely on my own observations, you understand). Well, the problem is... Darth only appears on the screen for three seconds before he points his finger and walks away, right? To fit all of the Japanes into the time space, the poor voice-over guy is talking so fast, he must have passed out after the scene:
"don'ttroubleyourmeagerselveswiththistrivialtask
Iwillacceptthechallengeandhonormysuperiorsby
accomplishingthiswithMYownmightyandnobleeffort!"
More Work
While I appreciate the suggestions some of you have sent me via e-mail, I just don't have the time to see and do all of the things I'd like to. Marsha, I'm sure Tokyo Disney is completely awesome, but there's no way in the world I'd be able to spend more than 15 minutes there. The life of a trainer is an odd one. I think the advantages far outweigh the disadvantes, but there are things to consider on both sides of this travel equation. Trainers rarely ever come a day early and stay a day late unless they use their own vacation time and well, we're just too busy to do a lot of that right now. The most frustrating thing for me as a working traveller is that most of the really cool stuff closes at 5pm every day (like the Smithsonian Institute for example) and guess what? I work during the day. In most cases, the one consistent thing that *IS* open after five is the "restaurant/bar." This is also why most trainers gain weight or work extremely hard not to. I'm always open for a hockey game in New York, or a minor league baseball game if you get lucky and a night game is scheduled while you're there. Even still, if you go to a game you'll probably still drink beer and eat peanuts. I'm making an effort to see as much (and write as much) as I can. My flight home on Saturday doesn't leave until 3:40. My bus to the airport leaves at noon. I know a guy who's going to try to get me to the Tokyo fish market EARLY Saturday morning to watch the Tuna boats come in and offload. Maybe I'm weird, but that kind of local color appeals to me in a huge way. Here's hoping I can make it!
Notes:
Mark and Dave: I know we pledged to go veggie next time, but I'm having some pretty serious BEEF withdrawl here... I'm gonna need some cow.
Karen VW: I made it to the Yen store today. Absolutely hilarous. Everything in the universe for a dollar, what a hoot.
Karen W: Your travels are much more important than mine, keep the bright side open.
Lisa: I would bring you a Shogun sword, I swear... but they won't let me bring it on the plane. OH, and I discovered everything you want to know about Takeshi's Castle (MXC)!
Goose and Paul: I'm hoping and praying for you guys, I swear. I've been there and I know the depression. It'll work out... Pictures:
City Spider – The best part about this sculpture was the plaque at the bottom that read, “Do not climb the Spider.” I want one of these so bad… it’s sad that my wife would melt it down. Probably with her anger… she hates spiders with a passion that’s not quite healthy.
Zen Garden – Last in a series of Zen Garden pictures. Nice place.
Pro Tree Dudes - The ever diligent tree-trimmers of downtown Tokyo. Go guys, go!
Trees and some Tokyo – Samples of the trimmers’ work and the skyline
Shogun Warrior - I almost think that a pair of boxer shorts would make a better uniform... you'd defeat your enemies because their "armour" would slow them down so much.
Shrine Entrance - I walk through this Shrine every morning on my way to work and every night coming home. I love the place. I stop at a granite filtered water fountain to have a drink and to say a small prayer to start the day after climbing the 114 stairs (I counted today). There was a wedding or something there early this morning, pictures to follow tomorrow.
Shogun Knife - Note that the base of the knife is hardened cast iron (you can see the rivet holes from where it was originally mounted to the handle 1,000 years ago) but the blade is still razor/scalpel sharp. I need one of these to slice brisket.
Water Fountain - I mentioned this, its just beautiful here in the morning.
One Bad Dude - I laugh myself silly every time I look at this.
View from Fujitsu Boardroom - I guess its good to be the king. Not THAT Honored... (Day 3)Most Honored Teacher
Last night was one of the most interesting nights of my life. I'm a technical trainer, I've done it for the better part of 15 years now and classes come and go for me at this point, precious few of them "stand out." Yesterday... will stand out forever. It started with classroom introductions, I asked them to tell everyone their name, who they work for, their current level of experience with our product, and as an ice breaker, I asked them to describe their favorite Winter Olympic event. This part of the class usually takes 10 minutes or so and serves to break the ice and settle everyone down. It rarely goes off with the military precision that it did yesterday:
<stands up> "HAI MY NAME IS HIRIYUKI YOSHIKO CALL ME YOSHIKO-SAN I WORK WITH STELLENT PARTNER HITACHI I KNOW PRODUCT FOR 2 WEEKS I LIKE SKI JUMP. HAI, ORIGATO." <bows, sits down>
Well, thank you Yoshiko-San for that most enthusiastic and militaristic report... little did I know that style would be repeated by all 17 of the students. Teachers are honored and respected in Japan, the urge to play the "Hokie Pokie" was overwhelming because there is no doubt in my mind that they would have done it, and that they would have done it perfectly.
The teaching portion of the day was good. One of the classes I teach deals with Sarbanes Oxley, an insomnia curing topic that deals with a corporations financial dealings and recordings. Most people are afraid to go to a SOX class, precious few are willing to learn the stuff well enough to teach it, but there's a benefit... Your students are almost always top executives and the classrooms are always in swanky board rooms with catered lunches, etc, and this was no exception. The view from the Fujitsu boardroom speaks for itself. Class went surprisingly well, considering some technical issues we had and by 6:30, I was ready to go back to my room and sleep off the rest of the jet lag.
And then...
Brian Endo, one of our executives here in Japan, announced that we would have a special dinner to honor our friends from America. Gregg and myself from Stellent, and a smooth cat from Texas who works for our partner, Protivity (I had him in a class 6 months ago, it was great to see a friendly face) were to be honored. We walked into the steamy, neon ridden, cobblestone junketed part of town that I'm sure very few Americans get to see. Brian had pre-arranged everything and the table, our meals, drinks, etc were all "pre-paid" and the sky was the limit. Smoked squid, octopus tentacles, fish heads of all sizes and varieties, sushi, shrimp, fish balls with the bones still in, yummy. We also learned very quickly that the Japanese take their alcohol very seriously. People work hard to make it so, we should endeavor to drink it. All of it. Every night, if possible. I gotta hand it to them, they work hard and play hard and last night was no exception. Plates of food never seemed to stop coming and neither did the booze, rice vodka, Saki, Beer... it was "off the hook" so to speak. Another dangerous Japanese tradition I learned was that you never pour anything for yourself. You pour for each other and it is very rude to decline. Personally, this meant that I tried to keep my glasses full whenever possible. There was no shortage of alcohol or people to pour it and if your glass ever got 1/2 empty... someone would graciously bow and top it up for you. Thanks, really. wow. We sat there and ate and drank and told stories and talked shop (we really did some work, actually) for three hours. Near the end, a LARGE fish head was served (the smell arrived before it did) and our host said that our most honored guest was to receive the fish eye. Things got quiet and it was pretty obvious that he wasn't just playing around this time like he's prone to do. Everyone bowed and the fish head was passed... TO ME! Stop it. Seriously, I am NOT honored enough for fish eyes, YOU take them home and give them to your kids. I looked up and a dozen men were looking at me expectantly and it was apparent that I would need to eat it or it would be the equivalent of a "slap in the face." Thank God for Sake... I dug in, and plucked out the eyeball with my chopsticks. It was an orb that was 1/2 the size of a golf ball. I bowed, said a prayer, and rolled it into my mouth. I told my wife that it was like eating a superball that was surrounded by a membranous ball of fish flavored gravy-jello. Cheers went up all around and I swallowed it with a snoot-full of Sake. <SHIVER> We were gathering our things to leave shortly thereafter when the lightning struck...
"Time to go to Plan B," said our host. I thought, "you've got to be kidding me. My suit and tie are wearing heavily on me at this point, my back hurts from kneeling at the table in my socks for three hours and I haven't slept for about 20 hours. What the hell is Plan B?" "Plan B is secret place, membership only." He said. Two things were obvious now, one, we were in for some sort of rarified adventure, and two was that we were going. Period, we were well beyond negotiation at this point and when your boss's boss's boss says, "Well, let's go" then you go. I mentioned to him on the way out, "Gregg, Dallas and I should really prepare for Fujitsu tomorrow, you remember Fujitsu? Most honored CUSTOMER with all the money? Gregg... Hello..." He was awesome. He said, "Don't worry, I'll get you out of this." Then Brian turned to us all and said, "Let's go, trust me!" We had no choice as we walked past the smoke filled Pachinko Casinos and deeper into the Tokyo night.
Karaoke… Why?
We walked up a narrow staircase to a very small room. I was sure we were to be robbed, butchered, and dumped into the sea where the endless recycling of fish would continue. Rather, we were seated in a very small, very dark, very smokey room where more beer and Saki appeared along with a catalog 4" thick and a microphone. No. No way. Karaoke time... The Japanese take their karaoke very seriously. Probably more seriously than their families, careers, whatever. I have never, nor will I ever see anything like it again. Now, I can sing. I'm not the next American Idol, but I've "sung my share" so to speak, however I did not whisper a WORD of this to anyone present. I sat back and took it all in as a dozen men in suits sat around a small coffee table, crammed knee to knee in a space about 6 feet square, and sang to each other as Japanese videos scrolled across the Plasma and as our Kimono clad hostess danced and sang along. I reached under the table to grap Dallas's leg, we looked at each other and he could see it my eyes, "WE MUST LEAVE THIS PLACE NOW!" I told him with psychic aplomb... I widened my eyes and cocked my head a little to add emphasis, "RIGHT?!?!" He was laughing himself sick. I have no idea what the songs were that they picked. Japanese love songs, filled with tears and emotion, split the night. They all took turns the microphone crept closer to my end of the table. "I can't sing, really, you guys are SO GOOD, its amazing, lets hear some more!" I lied. Gregg finally got us out of there and we walked back to the hotel by 11pm or so. It wasn't that late, I suppose, but I'd been up for 24 hours and I felt shredded. Somehow, I woke up this morning at the usual 4am and here I am writing this log. I have no idea what's in store today.
Pictures: Beers, Weird Snacks, and the Microphone Time in a Bottle (Day 2)The Japanese Business Day
The day started with breakfast. Actually, the day started with three of us sitting around and talking, NEAR breakfast. You see, I spent a lot of time in the courtyard yesterday (its FULL of Zen) eating a bento box, drinking diet coke, and watching Japanese people do their thing. They do some strange things. There's a restaurant in the same courtyard that has a buffet (more on that later) for instance. Americans can't wait for the buffet! Who among us has walked into a place for lunch or breakfast and waited to get up to go to the buffet? Heck, I don't even sit down! "Is that my table over there? Great, I'll be over here by the buffet." Japanese people are far too civilized for that. They move at a more leisurely pace... determined, but leisurely. Time and time again, I witnessed people walking into the restaurant, sitting down, and having a conversation. I wanted to scream at them, "Good Lord people, there's a perfectly good buffet right over there; GO GO GO!" But they would sit, talk, drink tea, and eventually, they would stroll over to the food. The same was true with breakfast. It was doubly stressful for me because I was trying to assimilate into TWO cultures, the Japanese and the Executive. As it happened, Mr. Walden (our CFO) and I shared the plane, the car service, and now breakfast with Mr. Endo, our Japanese contact (who is both, Japanese AND an Executive), thank goodness I brought suits and ties. Truth be told, I just wanted to fly through the buffet, start my day at 7:30am, configure my PCs, setup the classroom, and get the heck out there by 4, in time to watch the Olympics and staying well under the Executive radar. Not today. Here's what I learned:
Buffets and Bento Boxes Honestly, people here are so polite. Every meal I have with a local citizen, they're very careful to ask me, "What do you like?" The irony behind this question is, even if I had a preference (I'll eat just about anything but a fried Brussels sprout), I'd have no idea what to tell them. Most of the things I've eaten since I've been here are completely new to me. For $100, I couldn't even tell you if most of them were animal or vegetable, even after I ate them! So... how do you tell someone, "Lunch? Oh, I loved those little purple circles they serve with those long white noodles; those WERE noodles, right? And some of those green squares with the yellow dots on them, those were pretty good." Its hilarious. The bento box is an excellent example of this. When I was a little kid, my grampa used to let me hold his tool tray as he filled it up with the nuts and bolts and tools he was about to use to fix something around the house. It was as wide as a modern keyboard, but square, and it had raised edges so the little parts wouldn’t roll off onto the floor. It had little sections in it so you could keep small parts separated. That's a bento box, only the Japanese put food in it instead of metal bits and tools (I'm "mostly" sure of this, anyway). They're kind of fun, actually. From what I've seen, no two boxes are the same... and when they're served, they very closely resemble the same thing a modern 3 year old would "cook up" out of 6 colors of play dough and some molds from FAO Schwartz. The Japanese take great care to beautify the presentation of almost everything they eat, I just wish they would label it so I'd know: A) What I'm eating, and B) How to order it again someday if I like it! I KNOW I'll be the one asking tomorrow, "Uh, yesterday you had these little pink rice ball looking things with a leaf under it... were those Kosher?"
Notes:
Picture Legend: Toaster – I’m sure you could plug this car in and toast a bagel. There’s no doubt in my mind. Castle Wall – Tall. Ain’t she? Enemy Army – Trees that represent the retreating enemy army Japanese Army – Trees that represent the Japanese army Entry to the Moat – from outside, looking in Moat Burm and Castle Wall – What you’re facing if you decide to conquer the castle Money Stone – Proof positive that the meek will NOT inherit the earth! I left the description plate in the picture. My Diet coke and the outer castle door – I put my diet coke on the hinge pin to give it some scale. The door was HUGE. Police Riot Vehicle – What a great vehicle for a suicide bomber… he’d “fulfill his mission” but no damage would leave the truck! I have no idea what kind of riots they deal with here, but I’m not gonna stick around to find out. TOKYO - Alrighty Then... (Day 1)I made it!
After a 14 hour plane ride, there’s nothing like a 2 hour ride in a car service limo (you know me well enough by now to recognize the sarcasm, don’t you?). The trip itself has been great so far. Our company has a new policy that allows travelers to the Pacific Rim to take a 2,000 dollar "bribe" to fly coach. Its a good policy, especially when you consider the price difference between coach and business class can be up in the 7,000 dollar range! I spent at least two days thinking about it and I finally decided to waive the bribe and take the upgrade. I chose wisely! Five minutes after taking off, they announced that they were having some problems with the coach class entertainment system. The overhead lights, and inputs for the sound system were not working. That meant that those poor folks in coach had to fly with no reading lights, no stereo, and/or no sound for any movies that would be played. They were compensated 1,500 frequent flier miles for the trouble. Big Whoop! I felt sorry for them, I really did... it didn't stop me from eating my Shrimp Scampi, though.
I dind't check any bags so I was the first one out and off the plane and the car service was early too so I thought, "wow, record time! I might have a chance to walk around before bedtime." not. I knew the Narita airport was quite a way away from Tokyo, but I had no idea where my hotel was so I hoped it wouldn't be too far. It was. I discovered later that there's a bullet train that travels 140mph and gets here in about 40 minutes, but our car wasn't quite up to the same task. It was a nice car, don't get me wrong... the problem was that our car shared the road with approximately 2 MILLION other cars that were all bound for Tokyo. That might be an exaggeration, I might be off by 8 or 9 cars.
The Hotel
I checked into the hotel and got my room key. Wow. The key is just; well... its enormous... and a little; well, obsene. Its six inches long, solid steel, and it has a big round knob on the end. Its heavier and more cumbersome than the gas station restroom keys we've all seen in the states. It weighs at least two pounds and there is no way I am going to carry it around in my pocket, it would look obsene!
"Wow Ken, nice round bulge in your pocket there... "
"Aww, shucks; its just my room key, honest."
The room is top notch, I have a leather vibrating recliner, and a bed and pillows that are 100% memory foam. The bed only sits 18" off of the floor; another reminder that I'm "bigger" than the average Japanese citizen.
The shower surprised me. Holy cow. Every three minutes, the water pressure increases and the temperature DEcreases to give you "gentle" reminder that they'd rather not have you showering "all day." Water is precious here, you know. Oh, how I wish someone had told me. I like my morning showers. They wake me up, the steam clears my head, I like the smells of the soap and shampoo... not anymore. Now, I'm a little scared actually. Picture yourself two or three minutes into a nice hot shower when all of a sudden, you get a pressurized blast of cold water; "DOUUUCHE! YeeeYYAAHHHHHWWW!!" My left brain went for the controls ("Change the temp, turn it off, point it away..."), my right brain was trying to flee ("GET OUT, grab a towel..."). Tomorrow, I might take a bath. It will take longer, but at least it will be predictable.
The toilet in this room deserves its own paragraph. No, I'm not a "toilet afficienado" or anything, but after my hellish toilet experience in Bandung, Indonesia, I simply had to share the delightful and heavenly experience of the toilets here in Japan. The first thing you notice is that its plugged into an electrical outlet. As disconcerting as this was, I soldiered on and expected "good things." When you sit down, you hear beeping and a light starts blinking on the control panel (yes, there's a control panel)! I thought I might be "too big" for the damn thing but it stopped and the sound of a reservoir being filled could be heard. I finished my business and looked for a flush handle. There was none. I started pushing buttons on the control panel. WOWEE! I'm not sure what amazed me more, the sudden pressurized blast of warm water RIGHT where it "counts" or the fact that the toilet was smart enough to shut itself off when I jumped off the seat in surprise! Determined, I sat back down and tried to relax as the water continued its fusillade. I found the "pressure" knob and dialed her back from "full garden hose press" to something more reminiscent of a gentle kitchen faucet. The next button changes the spray. Rather than a directed blast of pressurized water (an extraordinarily well-aimed blast, I must say), its as if the magic hand switches the garden hose selector switch from "high pressure" to "wide angle spray" and your entire bottom area is "rinsed" with warm water. I can't say it was a pleasant experience, really. I was brooding over the fact that the whole of my bottom end was soaking wet when I pressed the last button. The contents of the bowl were flushed and a gentle fan of cool blowing air started to dry my butt off! Overall, it was a pretty awesome experience. Not quite awesome enough to keep me from going to work tomorrow, but MUCH better than Bandung!
The Food
It's true, you haven't had good BBQ until you've been to Texas, and you haven't had a real Philly-cheesesteak sandwich until you've had one from a street vendor in Philadelphia. Well, I can now personally attest that you have not had sushi until you've had it in Japan! I'm a HUGE sushi fan and while great strides in technology have been made in freezing techniques that can bring good sushi to places like land-locked Minnesota, the difference between "fresh frozen" sushi grade tuna, and tuna steak that was actually swimming 8 hours prior to your chance to consume it, is astronomical! Its not cheap, however, but then again, none of the food here is. Reading from my room service menu, a "Jumbo Western Burger" is $36 and if you want American cheese on it, you'll pay $48. Its a nice hotel, but those prices are fairly reflective of the street prices I saw on my walk today. Mcdonald’s, as usual, is the exception. Mcdonald's in Japan is a weird deal. I think its what Ray Croc always wanted a McDonald's to be. The workers are sterile and perfectly uniform in their dress and manerism. There were three cashiers who's lines were empty while I was in there and all three of them stood perfectly still with their hands behind their backs, waiting for customers. They spoke perfect english, better english than most Americans and certainly better english than most Americans who work at McDonald's! The floor was "Operating Room" clean, the machinery looked brand new. Even the grill was polished to a mirror reflection. It was creepy! I don't know, I travel a lot and I have to say the best burgers I've ever had came from well seasoned grills where plenty of grease from the decades of use has stained the surfaces of grill and spatula alike. It was nice to observe, but I just couldn't eat there. I felt like one of Jim Jones' kool-aid followers. "Come, eat the burger... its good for you! Special for you!" Um, no... I'll go back to the Lion's Tap back home. Or into St. Paul where I can get a "Juicy Lucy" from a grill that's anything but sterile.
Out and About
Tokyo is a beautiful city! Picture the Manhatten skyline and multiply it by 10. The skyline seems to go on in all directions, forever. The other thing is, its meticulously cared for, wherever you look. Its clean to a fault, there are 9 different kinds of recycling bins and you see them everywhere. Nothing appears to be broken and even the construction sites are well appointed. They seem to clean and tidy up WHILE they work and build! Despite the cleanliness of the city, the air, and the sidewalk, people everywhere (and there are lots of them) are wearing those surgical masks. You can actually get fashionable ones now, they come in colors and with patterns and designs. I'm not sure yet what's true, either they're all paranoid or I'm going to die before the week's out because I don't have one!
At breakfast, the placemats at the table had maps of a 10 square mile area around the hotel with walking paths marked on them through old Tokyo. There were 2k, 5k, 6k, and 10k routes. I needed something to do today and it was sunny outside and 50 degrees F, so I couldn't wait to put on my walking shoes. Two blocks from the hotel I found a Shrine. The plaques and such aren't written in English (some are, the vast majority aren't) but I discovered later that this Shrine was built in the Shogun Warrior era (1,000 AD). It was beautiful. The Japanese are tenacious when it comes to holding on to their history and remembering and honoring their past culture. This shrine was no exception. The grounds are swept with brooms from the Shogun period, repairs are made with period tools and materials, and the garden is filled with plants that are no longer indiginous to the area but that flourished 1,000 years ago.
Next on the walk was the Imperial Castle. Wow. This was the Emporer's castle portrayed in the movies Midway and Tora, Tora, Tora. Headquarters to Tokyo and Japan during the wars. To see it, you'd have to swim the moat, climb a steep hill, then scale a twenty foot wall to get onto the castle grounds. Then, you'd have to hike 5k through the woods to gain access to the castle that is built in an excavated depression to hide its size and numbers from any enemies. I'd have done it, but I had a blister on my pinky toe, so... I walked around to the bridge over the moat, walked through the gate (a foot-thick oak door with iron bars rivoted througout for added strength and intimidation) and walked all the way around the castle grounds to the bridge where I learned it was closed on Sundays. *sigh* I took some pictures.
The parks and gardens in the city are staggeringly beautiful. It is an honor to work for the parks department and I met a few of the guys who do while on my walk. The grounds outside the Imperial Castle are among the most meticulously cared for I've ever seen. The trees are trimmed "Bonzai" style and are significantly miniaturized from their true natural size. The trees on the inside of the castle moat appear to be Douglas Fir trees, and they're hundreds of years old but only 12 feet high or so. There are hundreds of them and they represent the Japanese army. The trees on the outside of the moat are a different species of evergreen, also meticulously trimmed, but they're slightly smaller than the Japanese "army" and they represent the enemy. Trimming the trees and caring for the grounds is a full time job for the men who do it. You appreciate the work they do when you realize there isn't as much as a single pine needle on the ground... not a leaf, or an errant sliver of bark. Just "golf green" quality grass, and perfect trees. I took a picture of one of the guys I met and his small army of trimmers. Five little guys in a tree, 10 ladders, TWO pairs of small hand scissor trimmers, and a mountain of full time dedication.
I walked the 10k route but took many departures from the map (some intentional, some not). I took 40 or more pictures and will include some of them in each log throughout the week. One day's pictures may not match the description of that particular day's observations, but I'll do the best I can. Check the bottom of each travelogue for the legend. If the picture you want to see isn't there one day, it will probably be in the next day's log. Please forgive the picture quality in some cases, its a small digital pocket camera that does the best it can... also, it has to rely on the "steady hand" of the picture taker who is NOT travelling with a tripod, by any means.
Subway Rules
When fishing for Alaskan King crab, you can stuff the hold in the ship with crab until it is brimming full. An Alaskan fisherman once told me that if you drop a Dungeonness crab into the hold, the Kings will find a way to "make room" because they're natural enemies with the Dungeonness. It's probably the same way a crowd of monkeys will suddenly evaoporate into the trees when a leopard wanders by.
I rode the subway today. My friends warned me, "Ken, don't ride the subway." So, I did. The first thing you think when you're in the tunnel waiting for the train is, "There is no physical way that Zeus himself could cram these people onto the next train." And yet... there is. I was so "pressed" by the flesh that it was difficult to extract my arms to grab the loop-handle above my head. Off we went. Two stops into the route, the doors opened and a small Japanese lady next to me wanted off. She mewed, she pleaded, she pushed, there was no way she was going anywhere. So... I volunteered to help her. I gave her the universal "head nod" that means, "did you want to get off here?" She gave me the "yes" nod so I gave a fairly mighty shove and pushed 10 Japanese off the train car the same way all of the beer cans slide around in your fridge when you reach in the back to pull out a cold one. She ran off and scampered for the stairs. The others shoved their way back on and they all gave me a furtive glance that said, "It wasn't my fault, please don't hurt me." The next three stops were uneventful but I got more glances that seemed to ask, "did you wish to get off here?" At my stop, I nodded toward those glances and prepared to make another mighty shove, when an exit seemed to materialize like when Moses parted the red sea... It was embarassing, but nice to walk off in time.
Japanese English
Ironically, the last people in the world who should make fun of other people’s use of the English language are Americans. Admit it, it’s true. When was the last time you had to return an item to Walmart, or to order some tacos at Chipotle, and you were met by a service representative who spoke English well? I’m convinced that nobody tries to learn the English language harder than the Japanese. Of course, that doesn’t make it any less humorous to observe! Here are a couple of examples that I found right here in my hotel room: “While sitting on the toilet, the user can hear the sound of flushing from inside the toilet. Once cold water is flushed, the sound is generated to prevent initial cleansing by cold water!” I have no idea what this means, except that you might actually HEAR the toilet flush while you’re still sitting on it, and if you do, you shouldn’t be alarmed. Whew! Here’s another: “Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis.” Ordinarily after reading a posted sign like this, I’d be sorely tempted to steal the towels. It was so cute though, I just couldn’t do it. True to the instruction however, I find myself re-reading this sign 5 or 6 times throughout the day.
Notes:
Hey Todd, how’s your boy fixed for Japanese coins?
Dave… keep the pressure down, son.
Lisa, I don’t have the bird flu… honest.
Mark, Kobe beef is NOT brisket!
Pictures:
Shrine Drum - Big ol drum I saw in the Shrine
Shrine Rope - massive rope (12” diameter) used to ring the bell
Steps out of Shrine - Long way down
Big fat key - my room key! Whatever!
Blue Sky Tree - Winter tree
Bridge to Imperial Castle - Finally, a way across the moat
I am Huge - Look closely… my wife couldn’t find it
Lonely Cop - This is his job… “I want you to stand on this blue box all day and take care of any traffic problems that might crop up on Sunday morning. Don’t leave the box. Stay awake.”
Old things new - Shrine from 1000 A.D. and the Prudential Tower in the background
Pelican and I scared the crap out of each other - I was taking a picture of the cool cactus-like plant and at the last possible moment when I clicked the button, this pelican scared me half to death. I have no doubt he was stealing coy from the pond!
Potty Instructions - Self explanatory. Sort of… |
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